Voice of Rage and Ruin
by confetticas
Summary: When Samantha Winchester is six years old, she wakes up just in time to see her brother be kidnapped by two men who glow so bright it hurts. Her entire life changes in an instant.
1. Prologue

**Voice of Rage and Ruin******

**Prologue: June 3rd 1989**

Samantha Winchester wakes quickly, aware somehow that something is not right. She doesn't open her eyes or move, her breathing remains even, a tactic she recently learned from her big brother as a way to play tricks on their Dad on the rare occasions they have time for such things. Dad is on a hunt right now, won't be back until at least morning, and when Sam fell asleep earlier on the big motel room bed, Dean had been laying beside her. He isn't there now and Sam hears voices, low and angry - adult, and definitely not Dad. Cautiously, she opens her eyes, and without moving, peers out at the room, trying to figure out what's going on.

She barely manages to hold in a gasp of shock as she takes in what is happening. Dean is struggling desperately against two not-men who are glowing so brightly that Sam has to squint her eyes shut against it. In an instant, Dean glances her direction, realizing that she's awake. His eyes widen in horror as he looks at her and then shakes his head minutely, and then he slumps into the arms of one of the not-men. In the instant before the two not-men disappear with her brother in tow, Sam catches a glimpse of majestic wings spread out proudly behind each of the not-men's backs.

"Dean!" Sam screams, horrified, shooting up in bed, but they're already gone.

Sam sits there for a minute, terrified out of her mind, tears running down her cheeks, and then scrambles for the phone, trying to remember Uncle Bobby's phone number. It takes her a minute, but she manages to remember it and, shaking, she dials the number.

"'ello?" Uncle Bobby's voice sounds incredibly irritated.

Sam hiccups and then asks tearfully, "Uncle Bobby?"

"Sammy?" Uncle Bobby's voice goes from irritated to worried in a split second. "What's wrong, girlie?" he asks her in concern.

"Dean," Sam chokes out, terror and despair setting in and she sobs helplessly, "They took 'im, Uncle Bobby and he's gone and they glowed and Daddy's not here and they took Dean, Bobby!" she cries out miserably.

"Sammy, breathe. Breathe, Sammy," Uncle Bobby tells her gently, sounding even more worried now. "Who took Dean? Where are you guys staying?"

Sam knows where they're staying, because it's part of the routine, in case anything happens to Daddy, she knows the town name and motel and the room number, just like she knows Uncle Bobby and Pastor Jim's phone numbers, so she tells her uncle, crying the whole time, where she is.

"I'm on my way, Sammy," Uncle Bobby assures her quickly. "What did they look like?"

"They were men but they weren't and they glowed so bright it hurt and they had wings and, and, Dean stopped fighting when he saw I was awake," Sam grabs the pillow and holds it tightly to her chest, terrified and shaking.

Uncle Bobby sounds faintly puzzled as he asks her, "Do you know what your Daddy is hunting, Sam?"

Sam thinks hard, trying to remember, because Daddy and Dean had talked about it while she'd been watching Tom and Jerry and she hadn't really been paying them any attention. Now, she wishes she'd listened, wishes she'd cared about the monsters. "I think..." she pauses, trying to make sure she's remembering right, and then nods once to herself, "Daddy said it was a cr'cotta?" she offers, still uncertain.

"Hmm," Uncle Bobby says thoughtfully. "Okay, Sammy. I'm going to hang up now and I want you to make a salt circle around your bed and stay on it until I get there, okay, sweetie? I'm on my way as soon as I hang up, it won't be more than a few hours."

Sam sniffles and nods, and then realizes that Uncle Bobby can't hear her nodding and says, "'kay," softly.

"Salt circle," Bobby reminds her firmly.

"'kay," Sam agrees again, still crying. "Bye, Uncle Bobby," she adds miserably, wanting nothing more than for her big brother to hug her and tell her that everything's going to be fine because nothing can happen to her when he's around. But it's not her it's happening to, it's Dean, so she settles for hugging the pillow closer to her and letting herself cry.

"I'll see you soon, kiddo," Uncle Bobby assured her, and they hung up.

_Supernatural-Supernatural-Supernatural_

Bobby speeds the entire way there and manages to find John along the way, informing him of what Sam told him on the phone. John quickly peels out of the parking lot of the phone company the Crocotta is using as a base and they speed back to the motel.

When they get there, John jumps out of the Impala without bothering to close the door and runs into the room, scooping Sam into his arms the second he reaches her. She's still sitting on the bed, knees curled up to her chest as she hugs a pillow, and there are still tears streaming down her face. John hugs her for a good ten minutes as Bobby searches the room for any signs of what could have happened.

There are plenty of signs of a fight, the TV screen is cracked and Dean's schoolwork is scattered around the room haphazardly. The coffee table is flipped over and there's a dent in one wall the size of a grown man's fist. Other than these obvious signs, there is nothing. No EMF, no sulfur, no signs whatsoever of any supernatural beings.

Once John has Sam calmed down enough to tell the story, she does. Bobby, after asking John if there's anything else he can do to help, heads home to research and feel out his contacts for possibilities. No one has heard of any creatures fitting Sam's description, and slowly but surely, the trail runs cold - as far as they can tell, Dean is gone.

After a few months, John reluctantly packs them up and leaves the small town they'd been staying in when Dean was taken, heading for, to his own dismay, Lawrence, Kansas to meet with the psychic who started him on the trail of the thing that killed Mary.

Missouri, too, is at a loss, unable to find Dean anywhere. The best she can give him is that the things that took Dean feels both malevolent and holy, and even more powerful than the thing that killed Mary.

Eventually, John and Sam learn to adapt, and John grieves for the son he is certain is lost forever, becoming even more entrenched in the worlds of hunting and revenge. Sam keeps her opinion that Dean is out there alive somewhere to herself, and soaks up the knowledge of hunting like a sponge. Every time they go to Bobby's, Sam dedicates herself to reading and memorizing his entire collection of hunting lore. Bobby occasionally tries to convince her to live a little, spend time with kids her age and have fun, but Sam instead sticks to her training schedule and hunting with a fervor that reminds Bobby of nothing more than John Winchester fresh after Mary's death.

When Sam is fifteen, John and Bobby have a raging row about the way John seems to treat Sam more like a soldier than a daughter, and Bobby chases John off his property a gunpoint. He doesn't hear from the Winchester's for four years after that, and when he does, he finds that John's stubborn ass hasn't changed at all, and Sam has a mission of her own while her father hunts the demon that killed her mother.


	2. Chapter One

**Voice of Rage and Ruin**

**Part One: July - October 2002**

"Dad, I am nineteen years old," Sam complains exasperatedly, swiping a strand of hair out of her face and grimacing in frustration. "I _really_ don't think I need Uncle Bobby to babysit me!"

John quirks an eyebrow at her and doesn't comment.

Sam shifts uncomfortably and mumbles, "Sorry."

"I just want you safe," John eventually explains, gruffly. "And I know you, kiddo. You're as pigheaded as I am. I leave you on your own, you're going to track me down and force me to let you help on this. I can't have that happen, Sammy," he says, considerably more gentle than Sam ever expects from her father in any situation. "I have to know that you're safe. I can't lose you, too."

"So, what then?" Sam asks, blowing out a heavy sigh. "I'm supposed to stay at Bobby's and do absolutely nothing until you find the demon or it finds you?"

John shakes his head in frustration. "This is _not _a debate, Sam."

Sam slumps back into her seat and stares out the window unhappily. This is completely ridiculous. She's a grown woman, for Christ's sake, a grown woman and a fully capable hunter who certainly does not need to be babysat by her surrogate uncle. Especially when one notes that the last time she saw said uncle, he was chasing her father off of his property at gun point. Evidently all it takes to repair near-murder in a friendship is one three minute phone call. On the bright side, she supposes, Bobby's pretty much her father's polar opposite and she'll have a little while to live without a drill sergeant.

...who is she kidding? Sam probably isn't going to have a clue what to do with herself without someone barking orders in her face all the time.

"How long?" she breaks the silence about a half hour later.

John glances over at her and then returns his gaze to the empty highway in front of them. "As long as it takes, Sammy," he answers sternly. "And before we get there, I want your word you aren't going to start slacking on your training just because you aren't actively hunting."

Right, of course he does, because he wouldn't dare ask for it in front of Bobby. The old man would probably send him off at gunpoint again. "Yessir," she answers, because regardless of Uncle Bobby's opinion on the matter, it's how she was raised and she honestly doesn't know any other life - nor can she say that she truly _wants _to know any other life.

_Supernatural-Supernatural-Supernatural_

"What're you doing?" Bobby asks her gruffly, staring in bemusement at Sam as she sits on his couch in her pajamas, watching TV and snacking on popcorn that looks like it has enough butter in it to send a healthy man straight into a heart attack.

Sam grins at her surrogate uncle, "Peaceful protest," she answers promptly.

Bobby quirks an eyebrow, "I wouldn't want to be you when your father hears about that."

"I wouldn't want to be Dad when I get my hands on him for making me stay here for _three months so far_, with no word and absolutely nothing to do," Sam retorts grouchily.

Bobby rolls his eyes and walks over to his desk, picking up a thin folder and dropping it on her lap. "Go do your training and them come read that," he grumbles at her, and then heads into the kitchen for coffee.

Sam stares at the folder on her lap for a minute and then shrugs and starts to open it.

"Training first," Bobby barks from the kitchen, and then, "Idjit!"

Sam rolls her eyes and wonders when, exactly, her uncle became a convert of John Winchester Parenting 101. Regardless, an order is an order, so Sam forces herself to get up heads outside to complete her morning workout. An hour later she comes back into the house, covered in sweat and smiling slightly because seriously? John isn't the one who suffers when she skips her workout - she actually tends to enjoy her lifestyle.

For a moment she considers just plopping back down on the couch and reading the file, but then she gets a good whiff of herself and wrinkles her nose in distaste, deciding on a shower first.

Finally dressed and showered, she plops onto the couch and picks up the file, her eyes widening in delight as she realizes it's information on a hunt. "Are you serious?" she asks, bounding into the kitchen, grinning widely in excitement.

"Yeah, yeah," Bobby rolls his eyes. "You keep in frequent contact, understand?"

"Yessir," Sam answers brightly, bouncing on her heels. "Oh," her face falls. "How'm I gonna go anywhere? I don't have a car."

Bobby scoffs. "Where do you think you are, Sam? I have a car for you. Been workin' on it for awhile, was supposed to be your birthday present but it took longer than I thought."

Sam blinks, shocked. "Thank you," she blurts, flabbergasted.

_Supernatural-Supernatural-Supernatural_

It's a perfectly restored black '67 Camaro SS. Sam's in love with it, and Bobby endures the bear hug she gives him with practiced affectionate patience. Less than a full hour after Bobby shows her the car, she's on the road headed for her hunt, which isn't even close to her first solo hunt but is the first solo hunt she's gone on without Dad telling her to do so. Honestly, it feels a little awkward, but she's been cooped up in Bobby's house with nothing but research to do for three months now, so she'll happily take what she can get.

And it gives her the opportunity to renew her search for Dean - no Dad to tell her sadly that he's dead and she's wasting time and resources, no Bobby to look sad and bitter and mutter insults to Dad under his breath. Just her, the open road, a few hunts and the ability to finally find her brother.

He's alive, Sam _knows_ he is. She can feel it in her bones. She can't explain it, but she would know if he was dead and he's not. Dean's out there somewhere, and she is going to find her big brother if it's the last thing she does.

_Supernatural-Supernatural-Supernatural_

Sam's sitting in her car in a parking lot outside of a church that she suspects is genuinely haunted when her phone rings. She stares at it like it's an alien for almost a minute because she hasn't heard this ringtone in months. It's her Dad's ringtone - BOC's Fire of Unknown Origin because in her eyes that's always been her father's song. "Dad?" she asks, shocked, as she answers the phone.

"Hey kiddo," John answers gruffly. "I hear you've been going on hunts for Bobby?"

Sam closes her eyes. Jesus. Of friggin' course. Just _wonderful_. "Yessir," she answers quietly.

"Good girl," John answers, and Sam's eyes snap open in surprise. "I got a hunt for you. You on a job right now?"

"Haunted church," Sam answers, "But it's mostly abandoned and not really that urgent, if you have one that's more emergent."

"It can wait," John answers. "Finish that one up and I'll text you the coordinates."

"Yessir," Sam confirms, grinning ear-to-ear. Fine, he may not be letting her help him get revenge for Mom, but he's trusting her to hunt on her own and keep herself safe and that's like a miracle in her eyes.

John doesn't say anything for a minute and then he says, "Pretty sure it's a Trickster, so be on your guard, Sammy. You remember what happened the last time I ran into one."

It'd only been a few months after they'd left the town Dean had disappeared from, so Sam hadn't been old enough yet to actually go on hunts with her father, but she remembers Dad coming home, shaking and looking absolutely devestated so much that the bruises all over his body were almost irrelevant to the emotional pain he'd been in. Sam remembers, she'll never be able to forget. "I'll be careful," she promises sincerely.

"All right. I'll text you the coordinates in a bit. Bye, Sammy."

"Bye, Dad," Sam answers and hangs up, with decidedly mixed feelings. Excitement and pride that Dad's evidently changed his mind and now trusts her to hunt completely without him, anxiety over hunting a Trickster, and renewed determination to find Dean and hopefully fix some of the damage done to her father's psyche.

_Supernatural-Supernatural-Supernatural_

Sam manages to finish up the hunt for the vengeful spirit that night, and right about the time she drops onto her bed, absolutely exhausted, her phone signals a text, which turns about to be the coordinates from John, complete with the order of 'ASAP.' She knows it's an order even through a text because honestly, her Dad doesn't say all that much that _isn't_ an order. Sam groans miserably and forces herself to get back up, throwing what few things have been removed from her bags back into her bags and heading for the car.

The Trickster hunt doesn't turn out to be all that far away from where she already is, so she consoles herself with the knowledge that she can always just drive out there tonight, check into a motel and worry about the hunt in the morning.

It doesn't end up all that brilliantly, she spends the night tossing and turning to remembered nightmares of the not-men taking her big brother, of the horror of knowing he _let_ them take him to spare her from their attention. Of all the things that could be happening to her brother, the things they could've done to him and...

She gives up on sleep at about three A.M. and instead starts in on her research for the hunt. It turns out to be at least partially simple, all of the (increasingly bizzare, and if Sam's completely honest, increasingly amusing, as horrible as it is) events have taken place in or around a single building of the community college.

Somewhat halfheartedly, Sam stakes out the building, sitting in her car with the seat laid back as far as it goes and a bottle of, as Uncle Bobby tends to call it, 'hunter's helper' in the other seat. Despite the strong temptation, she isn't actually drinking, she figures she'll save that for when she's done here because no matter how bad of a day she's having, she isn't a complete idiot.

If her father were there to see it, he'd be fuming mad and Sam'd be running laps until she dropped, but as luck has it, he's not here and so Sam's not really paying attention, lost in thoughts of her brother and what she can possibly do to find him after all these years. She's been sitting there for about a half an hour when something catches her gaze and she shoots up in the seat, yanking her keys out of the ignition and running towards it, no matter how reckless or dangerous that may be. This man, he - no, he's not a man, Sam knows better - but whatever he is, he isn't a Trickster... he glows just like the not-men who took Dean, except stronger and brighter and _more_, and the wings, there are more, and they're even more majestic.

"Hey," she calls out, coming to a stop a few feet in front of him.

The not-man turns to her in confusion. "Yes, miss?" he asks politely.

Sam sees that he's a janitor and barely holds back a snort of amusement at using _that_ as a cover. "I - can I ask you a couple of questions?" she asks, and doesn't bother flashing her forged reporter ID. No, this conversation is best had with honesty, as much of it as she can bear. This is the first real lead she's ever had on Dean in all of her years of searching.

"About what?" the not-man asks curiously. "The deaths?"

"Nope," Sam says with forced cheer. "Don't give a crap about that anymore, I need to talk to you privately."

"Anymore?" the not-man asks, quirking an eyebrow.

Sam shrugs, "They were why I was here, before I saw you, but I'm willing to let it go if you'll talk to me," she's only slightly aware of the fact that she's nearly begging him.

"You're a hunter," he deduces with a roll of his eyes.

"Yes," Sam says impatiently, "But not right now. Right now I don't care, do whatever the hell you want to as many assholes as you want, just _tell me what you are_," she pleads.

His eyebrows lift in bewilderment. "Well, Miss..." he pauses in thought. "Winchester? I'm a trickster. More specifically, Loki."

Sam scoffs, frustrated. "You are not a Trickster," she insists desperately. "I've seen and dealt with my fair share of Pagans, _Loki_, and you are definitely not one of them. I know this because I can see you, so _please_, tell me what you are."

"That's an interesting story, Samantha," Loki says thoughtfully. "Why exactly is it that you're so desperate to hear what I am, then?"

Sam closes her eyes in pained exasperation and finally murmurs, softly, "When I was six years old, I was alone in a motel room with my big brother. I woke up to see him fighting with two _not_-men, and they glowed just like you, had wings just like you - he was fighting them with everything he had and when he saw that I was awake, he quit, and let them take him, just to spare me. I _know_ he's alive," she insists vehemently. "My dad, he gave up a long time ago, but I just - I can tell, I _know_. He's alive. He's out there, somewhere."

Loki's eyes widen as Sam tells her story, and he looks absolutely enraged as she finishes.

"What are you?" Sam asks again, desperate.

Loki sighs. "Nothing you or any other human stand a chance of fighting against," he murmurs. "I'm an angel, Samantha. To be more specific, I'm the archangel Gabriel."

Sam's eyes widen, because it's not like she's never had the thought - hello, _wings_ - but she's never really _wanted_ to believe it was possible. "Why - why would angels kidnap my brother?" she asks, a little bit brokenly.

"Because they're self-righteous bastards who don't care even a little about anyone but themselves," Gabriel informs her bitterly. "Because your brother is - and you're right, he's alive, I would have felt it if he died - the archangel Michael's true Vessel. They probably intended to brainwash him and make him a proper little slave when they took him."

Sam bites her tongue against a flow of tears, because she's closer than she's ever been, so close she can taste it - she is _going_ to get her brother back, one way or the other. Then, curiously, she asks, "Why are you hiding out as a Trickster, then?"

"For one, I don't agree with overbearing stupidass moves like the one that involved taking your brother," Gabriel explains unhappily. "But mostly, I got fed up with watching my brothers fight and kill each other. I couldn't take it, and they wouldn't listen to reason, wouldn't stop, so I left and I hid out here on Earth."

Sam considers that for a minute and feels horrible for asking but has to try, "Can you help me?"

Gabriel looks furious. "Normally, my answer would be no, I won't take the risk that they find me - but they crossed a line here. He was still a kid, he didn't need to be dragged into their bullshit. Yeah, Samantha, I'll help you as much as I can."

"Really?" Sam perks up, disbelieving and hopeful.

"Yeah," Gabriel nods, smiling slightly at her enthusiasm. "Really."

"Thank you so much!" Sam blurts appreciatively. "So, where do we start? What can I do?"

Gabriel chuckles, "Well, to start, I'm going to feel out a few contacts, and you're going to keep doing what you do."

Sam frowns. "There isn't anything I can do to help find him?"

"Not yet," Gabriel answers honestly. "But if it'll make you feel better, I'll stick around a bit so that I can keep you updated."

Sam beams. "Thank you," she repeats, and then, even though it's probably totally crossing the line, she hugs him. "Thank you so much."

Gabriel chuckles and endures the hug with an exasperated expression and amused glint in his eyes. 


	3. Chapter Two

**Voice of Rage and Ruin**

**Part Two: November & December 2002**

Sam fights a laugh and flicks a crumpled up piece of paper at Gabriel, bringing a finger to her lips. "Ah - no, I'm listening, Bobby!" she promises as her surrogate Uncle starts to sound irritated. "Werewolf, Austin, I got it," she assures him.

"Are you with someone?" Bobby asks suspiciously.

Sam glowers at the archangel for being a pest and making it really hard not to sound amused during a check-in phone call. If she gets dragged back to Bobby's house over this, she's going to pitch a fucking _fit_. "No," she lies promptly.

"Sam, I am not an idiot," Bobby barks irritably. "Don't lie to me. Who've you got with you?"

Sam barely manages not to groan and grabs her hairbrush to throw at the archangel, who pulls a mocking wounded expression at her. "I - uh, a friend," she tries hopefully.

Bobby scoffs. "Do I sound to you like I was born yesterday, Sam? Stop dodging the question."

"I met him on a case," Sam's somewhat talented in the art of lying by omission, it was necessary to survive her teenage years with her relationship with her father still relatively intact. "He's helping me out for awhile."

"Helping you out with _what_?" Bobby asks her curiously. "I _know _if you ran into a hunt you needed help with, you'd've called me or your Daddy for help."

Unbelievable, everyone in Sam's life thinks she's still twelve years old. It's utterly ridiculous. "He's helping me search for Dean and whatever took him that night," Sam says, stubbornly. "Please refrain from sharing your opinion on the matter, Uncle Bobby. I _know_ he's out there somewhere."

Bobby sighs sadly, "Sam, you knew your brother - don't you think if he was alive, he'd have spent the last thirteen years fighting tooth and nail to get back to you and your Daddy? We would have heard _something_ by now. Who is this man, anyways?"

Cue overprotective Uncle, because an overprotective father just isn't enough for Sam, really, she muses wryly. Gabriel snickers and Sam mentally curses nosy mind-reading archangels. "Like I said, I met him on a hunt," Sam repeats firmly, hoping Bobby'll let it go at that. He won't, she knows, but it's worth a shot, at least.

"He a hunter?" Bobby queries in the voice Sam knows he uses to interrogate people. How _rude_.

"Something like that," Sam replies wryly.

Bobby doesn't say anything for a minute and then he demands, "I want to meet him."

Gabriel perks up, "I can arrange that!" he promises cheerfully.

Sam groans in horror. "You hear that?" she asks miserably.

"I did," Bobby agrees. "I'll be expecting you." He hangs up.

Sam drops her cell phone onto the counter and glowers at Gabriel. "_Thanks_," she says, utterly sarcastic.

Gabriel shrugs, "What?" he asks defensively. "You made him sound awesome, I want to meet him, even if he does just want to interrogate me to make sure precious little Samantha's virtue is still intact." Gabriel pauses after this mocking statement and then snorts, "Wait, that was gone _looong_ before I came along," he teases.

Sam shakes her head, amused. "You're like a child," she informs him, grinning despite herself. In all honesty, she can't remember being this happy since before Dean was taken. Gabriel just manages to make everything amusing and so much easier to handle. He makes her laugh, really truly, for the first time in longer than she cares to remember. "And it isn't like you're helping matters," she points out, because he's not. About a week after they started working together, one thing led to another and she and Gabriel wound up in bed together. In the three weeks since, they've made a habit of repeating the act as often as possible, no strings attached, of course.

"Hey, you love it and you know it," Gabriel retorts, smirking. "So, at a guess, you're going to stubbornly insist we drive, right? Heaven forbid I mojo your baby," he rolls his eyes in affectionate disgust.

Sam rolls her eyes, "If you promise not to alter one single tiny thing about it, you may mojo us and my baby to Bobby's," she concedes. "But this is a one time thing and it's only because I want to get this over with instead of dreading it for two days while we drive to Bobby's."

Gabriel grins excitedly and snaps his fingers, and they're standing in front her car in Bobby's driveway.

Sam takes a deep breath, trying to prepare herself for the upcoming conversation, and then she grabs Gabriel's hand and drags him up to the door.

Bobby greets them with a beer each.

Sam rolls her eyes, "_Really_, Bobby?"

Bobby glares at her, "Drink."

"All right, all right, but you have to give me one that _isn't_ watered down after - " Sam stops and stares in bewilderment as Gabriel finishes off the beer, grinning rather ridiculously. "Gabe?" she queries hesitantly.

Gabriel grins at her, swaying a bit, "There was holy water in that, wasn't there?" he asks, words slightly slurred.

Sam drinks a quick gulp of her beer for Bobby's sake and then asks incredulously, beginning to grin, "Oh, _no way_. Holy water gets you guys drunk?"

"Jus' a li'l buzzed," Gabriel protests, leaning against the wall for support.

Sam snorts in amusement and turns her attention to Bobby, "Uncle Bobby, this is Gabriel. The archangel."

Bobby quirks an eyebrow at her. "You got proof to back that up, or have you completely lost your mind, Sam?"

"You do realize that this guy once struck a man dumb for doubting him, right?" Sam asks her surrogate Uncle incredulously.

Gabriel giggles drunkenly and holds up a finger, "That was funny. I wasn't supposed to do that, but it was really, really funny. Dad didn't find it as funny as I did," he pouts. "Neither did Michael. Or Raphael. Fun-suckers," he complains. "They didn't like it when I turned Lot's wife into a pillar of salt, either. It's not _my_ fault people don't listen!"

Bobby looks somewhat amused. "Strangely enough, I'm starting to believe you. What's an archangel doing helping Sam look for her brother?" he asks, looking at Gabriel with undisguised suspicion.

"She sees our true forms," Gabriel tells Bobby brightly. "S'really rare and generally indicates a strong bloodline, a pure soul or power, or, in Sam's case, all of the above. M'stupid brothers took Dean and I'm gonna help her get him back."

"So bright it hurts, with wings," Bobby murmurs Sam's description of the not-men who'd taken her brother all those years ago. "Angels. Of course," he shakes his head at his own folly, for not considering the possibility.

Gabriel grins wider, "She's a smart cookie, our Sammy is."

"Oh, you have to be kidding me," Sam murmurs, grinning so hard it hurts. Drunken archangels, it appears, are quite amusing to watch. "Gabe, do you happen to know of any way to sober yourself up? You can't just think it out of your system like you do actual alcohol?"

"No can do," Gabriel chirps. "Sides, I feel great. Why would I want to do that?"

Sam rolls her eyes and pushes past the archangel into Bobby's living room. "So," she says, smugly. "Dean's alive."

Bobby smiles fondly. "I'm glad to know it," he agrees. "Sam, it was never that I didn't want him to be alive or that I doubted you, just always that it seemed impossible for him to be alive. I've never been happier in my life to be wrong."

_Supernatural-Supernatural-Supernatural_

"I," Gabriel announces smugly, appearing in Sam's motel room and perching on the counter, "Have a lead on your brother."

Sam looks up from her coffee cup, eyes widening. "You have a lead?" she asks hopefully.

Gabriel nods, looking thoroughly pleased with himself, "I have a lead," he confirms.

Sam jumps up and squeals in excitement, giving Gabriel a bear hug in her joy. "We have a lead!" she repeats happily. After a few moments of jumping up and down and generally being over-excited, Sam manages to calm down enough to ask, "What's the lead?"

"See, I had this thought awhile ago, that if Heaven had managed to hold onto Dean, he would feel different. Either Michael would be wearing him, or he'd be in Heaven and his presence would feel diluted to me," Gabriel explains. "But he isn't possessed and he's not in Heaven, he's on Earth - so, I thought, how could he possibly have escaped? And it occurred to me that he would've had to have help, another angel would've had to help him. And that angel would either have been killed, or would've Fallen. I would've felt it, if an angel had died. They haven't, not at the right time. So I started looking for signs, trying to track them. In 1989, there was a shooting star over Pontiac, Illinois - an angel's Grace, as it falls to Earth, tends to be mistaken as a shooting star. I searched Pontiac and its surrounding towns and came up with a boy, he's twelve, I believe," Gabriel clarifies. "Name's Lucas Novak and if I'm not very much mistaken, he was my little brother Castiel before he Fell."

Sam considers this, "So, if he's twelve, does he... remember his existence as an angel?" she asks.

Gabriel sighs, "No, not really. He has nightmares, been in and out of therapy since he was about three. Talks about his brothers attacking a human boy, taking him, about saving the boy and tearing out his Grace to save his own life. Of course, he only has a little sister and as far as anyone knows, he's human, so, suffice it to say, people think the poor kid is batshit crazy."

"He has a little sister?" Sam asks curiously.

"Well, yeah," Gabriel shrugs, "He Fell, showed up in Amelia Novak's womb, Amelia gave birth, and then five years later, she gave birth to a completely human little girl called Claire. I'm honestly sort of happy for the kid, our family is the defining example of dysfunctional and the Novak's definitely aren't. At any rate, all bets say that Castiel saved Dean. All we have to do is convince Lucas to remember who and what he used to be and he can tell us where he put your big brother for safekeeping."

Sam grimaces, "Isn't that a little unfair? He's twelve," she points out reluctantly. "That's a lot to put on a kids shoulders."

"He's older than time itself," Gabriel retorts, "And if you want to find Dean, he's pretty much the only way it's going to happen."

"Yeah, about that," Sam eyes him curiously. "You can track me anywhere I go, and I've seen you find other people the same way, so why is it that you can't track Dean down?"

Gabriel chuckles, "Because Castiel is a clever little bastard. When he saved your brother, he rather intelligently also chose to hide the kid from the senses of angels. There isn't an angel in all of creation who would stand a chance at finding Dean. Except for Castiel, and he'll only know because he put him there - at the very least he can tell us who he grew up with."

"As smart as that is in 'hiding Dean from the angels who want to do bad things to him' category, it really blows otherwise," Sam gripes. "So, basically, we have to go disrupt a kid's life if I ever want to find my brother?"

Gabriel nods grimly.

Sam slumps down into a chair and buries her head in her hands. "This _blows_," she complains unhappily.

"Yeah, kid, it does," Gabriel agrees sympathetically. "You want time to think it over?" he offers.

Sam closes her eyes briefly and then nods. "Yes. I should think it over. In the meantime," she smiles weakly, "I could use a distraction."

Gabriel smirks, "Happy to oblige, Sammy-Sam-Sam." 


	4. Chapter Three

**Voice of Rage and Ruin**

**Part Three: December 2002**

"This kid," Sam says quietly, about five miles past the Illinois border. Minnesota's shapeshifter and Iowa's werewolf had proven a nifty excuse to drive in the general direction of Illinois and the little boy who was the only being in the world who knew where her brother was. "He's got parents, and a little sister, and a _life_, Gabriel. How'm I supposed to be selfish enough to take that away from him when he's the reason my brother is alive and safe?" _Why do I want to do so this badly when I know how wrong it should feel?_

Gabriel sighs and disappears what's left of his Snickers bar. "You could think about it from the point of view that really, you're showing him that he isn't insane and once he'd got _all_ of his memories, he ought to be able to live out his life with_out_ ending up in a psych ward."

"That point of view conveniently glosses over what I'm doing to his parents and sister," Sam counters guiltily. "Who'm I kidding? We both know that we're going to do this, one way or another. But..." she sighs. "I feel really, really bad."

"That's because you're an amazing person who's almost as awesome as I am, which is totally saying a lot," Gabriel replies promptly, grinning. "What you're doing to his parents and sister? You're telling them that their son and big brother isn't a raging schizophrenic. You're, honesty, giving them their son and brother back, and if they're anything like I think they are, they'll actually be quite grateful for it."

Sam sighs and flips on the radio, grinning slightly at the familiar notes of Smoke on the Water. "I need a chocolate banana milkshake," she informs her traveling partner innocently.

Gabriel snaps his fingers and hands her the milkshake, shaking his head with an amused glint in his eyes. "You only want me for my awesome cosmic powers," he pouts at her.

"And because you're a really good lay," Sam adds, because this is important information. "Also, you're not bad as eye candy, either."

"Thanks, and back at you on both of the latter points," Gabriel grins at her.

Sam smiles. "Damn straight."

Gabriel leans back and places his feet on the dash. Sam forces herself not to react. "We're entirely too much awesome to be in one place so often. If we aren't careful, we'll cause the world to spontaneously combust."

"I think it'll survive," Sam counters, grinning back. "We're so awesome that it couldn't stay broken."

Gabriel cackles. "Shit, I adore you, kid," he says, and if his eyes are a little soft with affection, Sam's kind enough not to comment.

_Supernatural-Supernatural-Supernatural_

It's just a house. Sam's not sure why she's expected anything different, maybe because this occasion is so important and possibly fulfilling to her that she feels like the surroundings should reflect it, but... no. It's just a normal house with a car in the driveway and toys spread across the lawn.

Sam lets Gabriel take the lead on the way to the door, feeling raw and nervous and a little terrified because - hell, she doesn't even know why. Just, the list of things that could go wrong, how badly the Novak's could take what they're here to tell him, and what if even with his memories Castiel doesn't tell them where he left Dean, and...

Gabriel grasps her elbow. "Relax, Sammy," he murmurs softly. "It's going to be okay. I've got your back."

And Sam isn't honestly completely sure why that's one of the most reassuring things she's ever heard in her life, but it is. Because doing this alone, or even with Dad and Bobby? She can't fathom it, it would be... Sam shivers slightly. No. She's glad she has Gabriel here to make this as painless as possible, to just look at her and make the worries flood away.

"Are you James Novak?" Gabriel asks when the man answers the door, even though Sam knows perfectly well that Gabriel knows exactly who the man is, it turns out the archangel turned trickster is pretty good at adhering to petty human niceties.

Jimmy quirks an eyebrow at Gabriel and Sam, curious. "Jimmy," he corrects. "Yes. And you are...?"

"My name is Gabriel," Gabriel says, like that's all he really has to say, and Sam resists the urge to roll her eyes, because seriously? The most faithful human being in the modern world wouldn't understand that - there're too many people in the world who share the name to automatically assume 'archangel' on hearing it.

"Okay," Jimmy nods slowly, looking puzzled. "And you're here because...?"

Gabriel pouts. "Okay, that hurts." He turns to Sam. "I really thought he'd get it."

Sam doesn't bother resisting the urge to roll her eyes this time. "Mr. Novak," she says, softly. "I'm Samantha Winchester and I..." she stops, because she has no idea what to say here. Your son is a fallen angel and he saved my brother? Your son is the only being in the world who can tell me where my brother is so I'd like to force him to remember a life he abandoned because I'm selfish and miss my brother? There is no way this is going to end well.

"Winchester," Jimmy murmurs, looking puzzled, and then realization snaps across his face and his features go blank. "All right. And still, neither one of you has said what you are doing here."

Gabriel sighs. "The first thing you think of when you hear the name Gabriel, _before_ the thousands of unfortunate children who were named after me."

"...I," Jimmy gapes, like he wants to say how impossible that is but would rather not be struck dumb in case it's true. Sam can't really blame the guy on that count.

"He's telling you the truth," Sam tells Jimmy, wringing her hands. "Your son, Lucas. His dreams, the things he remembers that you consider impossible? They aren't impossible. Lucas was the angel Castiel and when a group of his brothers crossed a line, he did everything he could to save the human they'd taken to... that's not important," she says hastily, mostly because she doesn't like to think about what the angels she spent most of her life believing in might've done to her brother. "Look, I know we sound totally crazy, but - "

Jimmy regains some measure of control over himself and stares at them before telling Sam, "According to Lucas's dreams, which you claim are reality, the archangel Gabriel is dead."

"What? Why the hell would he even dream about me? I haven't been in Heaven in a long, long time," Gabriel blurts, confused.

Jimmy crosses his arms and gives the archangel a look that Sam imagines is generally reserved for Lucas and Claire when they're not on their best behavior, and is, as such, rather amusing. "Because when he went to save the boy - Dean Winchester, as it happens - he just kept thinking about how if Gabriel were there this wouldn't have happened to begin with." He gives Gabriel a look that challenges blatantly 'argue that.'

Gabriel whistles lowly. "Who's the worst big brother in the history of the world?" he murmurs no small degree of self-hate. "Look. I'd give you all the bloody, gory details of why I faked my own death and skipped out on Heaven, but you're a man of faith and I'd like nothing less than to be responsible for destroying a mans faith in my Father."

"All right," Jimmy nods. "Say I believe this, which I'm leaning towards - why are you here? You aren't touching my son."

Gabriel blinks. "Um... okay?" he offers, totally lost.

"My son is a fallen angel, you are an archangel," Jimmy says it slowly as though he's concerned Gabriel isn't intelligent enough to understand. "Excuse me if I'd rather you kept safe distance."

"I'm not here to hurt Cas," Gabriel denies softly, looking slightly offended. "I wouldn't dream of it. Half the reason I left is that I couldn't stand the direction my brothers were headed in, I couldn't watch them become something so far from what we were meant to be. I'm here to help Sam find her older brother, and to bring some peace to your family, Jimmy. You all have the right to know that he isn't insane and so does he. I'll leave the choice up to you guys if you want me to help him remember who he used to be, but Sam here - " he pauses and gestures in Sam's direction and then grasps her shoulder in comfort, Sam just stares at the floor feeling uncomfortable. "Sam witnessed her brother's kidnapping when she was only six years old and then she spent _four hours_ completely alone waiting for her Uncle and father to get there. All she could tell them about the people who took her big brother was that they glowed so brightly it hurt her eyes to look and they had wings. Eventually, everyone but Sam gave up on ever finding Dean alive. Sam's spent her entire life since trying to find Dean, and while I've been helping her these past couple of months, the only being in the entire world who knows where Dean is, is your son."

Jimmy stared at Gabriel. "You want me to ask my son to remember a life where, towards the end, his brothers betrayed him and forced him out of his home?" he asks Gabriel, incredulous.

Sam drops her gaze.

Gabriel answers frankly, "He already remembers that part and you know it, Jimmy. What he doesn't remember are the good times. What it's like to know your purpose and to have rock solid faith and to know who and what you are and to really, truly belong. He has the right to know these things. I won't do it if you tell me not to, but he has that right, Jimmy. Tell me, how protective is he of Claire?"

Jimmy smiles affectionately, "Extremely. One time he ever got in trouble for fighting it was because some little brat insulted Claire."

"That's my boy," Gabriel mutters, grinning so hard it looks like it hurts, in Sam's opinion. She's a little puzzled, Gabriel never mentioned before that he was particularly close to the angel who saved her brother. "He always was protective, willing to defend anyone, and the favor was returned, if only from me. I loved that kid - he's one of the brothers who I missed most when I left. Michael and Raphael - a part of me was almost glad to be rid of them because it hurt so much to see what they'd become, but Cas? That kid was amazing. He was going to do the right thing no matter what any of us thought of it, and his faith... by the time I left he probably had the strongest faith of any angel left after the Wars, and he'd never even met Father. I would have and still would do anything for him," he tells Jimmy, and Sam gets the impression that Gabriel hasn't been this honest and forthright even with himself in a long time. "And I'm telling you that it will be better for him if you let him remember - how is he ever supposed to grow up relatively well adjusted if he thinks he's insane?"

Jimmy looks defeated as he opens the door all the way to let them in. "Amelia!" he calls out, obviously trying not to sound as uncertain as he feels.

"Ohmygod, she's adorable," Sam blurts when she sees Claire, who's wearing a princess dress and dancing, evidently having forced her big brother to sit down and watch. Lucas looks quite amused and plays along, applauding and 'oohing' at all the right moments. Claire's practically glowing in happiness.

Jimmy looks amused. "Yes, she is," he agrees. "Luke, can you take your sister upstairs and play for a few minutes?"

Lucas glances at Sam and Gabriel and his gaze freezes on Gabriel. Expression stormy, he steps in front of Claire and lifts his chin challengingly.

"I'm not here to hurt you," Gabriel promises, holding his hands up and barely managing to refrain from saying 'I come in peace' - Sam can tell by the way his lips twitch and fights an amused grin herself.

Lucas scoffs. "Yeah, right."

"Do you know who I am, or can you just tell that I'm one of your brothers?" Gabriel counters.

Lucas looks a little uncomfortable. "The latter," he says, about a millisecond away from snapping. "Dad," he says, looking at Jimmy desperately.

"You told me about Gabriel, do you remember that?" Jimmy replies softly. "Look at him again."

Lucas does, and his eyes widen. "Gabe?" he breathes, astounded and hopeful.

"Got it in one, Cassie," Gabriel chirps with an effortless grin.

"Don't call me that," Lucas snaps reflexively, and then smiles sheepishly. "It's good to see you, but - I thought you were dead."

"Yeah, I..." Gabriel's grin disappears. "I'm really sorry about that, kid. If I'd had any idea...But, well, I didn't. Past is past. I screwed up, and I'm sorry, and I wish I'd been there to help you out."

Lucas stares at him for a minute and then nods solemnly. "Why are you here?"

"I have someone I want you to meet," Gabriel says quietly and then pulls Sam in front of him, easily ignoring the way she wrinkles her nose at being manhandled. "This is Samantha Winchester, Cas."

Lucas looks at her for a minute and then turns his attention back to Gabriel. "She's different than she should be."

Gabriel looks worryingly guilty. Sam'll beat answers out of him later. "Yeah," he agrees with his little brother. "She is. That's my fault. Not like it's a bad thing, though. At any rate - Sam wants to know if you are willing to help her find her brother."

Lucas stares at the ground for a minute and then looks at her, ruffling Claire's hair for a second. "As a big brother, I wish nothing more than that I could tell you where he is - but there are two problems with that," he tells Sam, apologetic. "One, I have no idea where I left him, and two... he had amnesia. He has no idea who he is, Samantha."

Sam chokes on a sob. That explains so much - like why he's never tracked them down because Dean would have, he wouldn't have been able to stop himself. But not knowing who he is... god, it _hurts_. He doesn't even remember her. "I see," she manages and it takes everything she has not to start crying on the spot.

"I can fix both memory problems," Gabriel says, sounding a little irked. "Have you both managed to forget how _awesome_ I am? Cas, I can have you in full possession of all of your memories in the next thirty _seconds_. When I find Dean I can do the same with him. I'm not sure I follow why you're both so upset."

"...everything?" Lucas asks, uncertain. "I... Gabriel, I like my life here. My parents, my sister, I don't want to give that up."

Gabriel shrugs. "Who said you had to? I was never saying 'go back' I was saying 'be whole.' There's a big difference. 'Sides that, I don't think your Dad would let you leave even if you wanted to."

Jimmy smirks slightly, amused. "Your brother makes a good point," he agrees.

Lucas rolls his eyes. "I... all right," he accepts, nodding slowly. "I'll do it."

Sam feels mostly helpless and on edge as Lucas and Gabriel converse in low voices, so she follows Amelia and Claire up the stairs for lack of anything better to do and because standing around twiddling her thumbs and waiting for the someone else to fix things isn't really her style.

"So," Amelia says softly, after a few minutes, once Claire is sufficiently distracted with a ridiculous amount of baby dolls. "Lucas is... a fallen angel," she sounds confused and maybe a bit terrified.

Sam casts the other woman a sympathetic glance. "On the bright side," she quips, because she's a little uncomfortable, "He isn't crazy."

"_Thanks_," Amelia replies, utterly sarcastic. "I... am more glad than I can put into words that he's healthy. My baby boy... it's been so..." Amelia sighs helplessly, like she doesn't have the words for watching her son go insane, and Sam can't really blame her. "This is a lot to wrap my head around, though. Your brother, you saw those other angels kidnap him?"

Sam stiffens, because she doesn't like to talk about this, ever, and this is the third time in as many months. Relating the memory to Gabriel, she'd been running on desperate hope and the ashes of faith. The second time, for one of Gabriel's 'contacts' (who she was pretty sure had actually been freaking _Hermes_, and holy shit if she'd been entirely in her right mind, she'd have totally gone curious geek on the poor guy) she'd known hours in advance that she was going to have to talk about it and had proceeded to get royally shitfaced so that she wouldn't have to feel it. Now, she has neither desperation nor alcohol to blunt the pain. "I was six," she whispers and feel something in her break all over again because _Dean_. "I'd been asleep and when I woke up - when he saw that I was awake, he stopped fighting and let them take him. If it weren't for... Lucas, Castiel, whichever," Sam doesn't care what his name is, she's going to love the guy for all of eternity. "I don't even want to think about what could have happened to Dean if it weren't for him."

"Will he - will he still be my baby when he remembers?" And there are tears in Amelia's eyes and this, this right here, is why Sam ever hesitated to do this, because how can she justify doing this to someone when she knows her brother is at least safe and alive? She can't. Justify it, that is. But she can't stop it, can't stop the _need_ to see her brother again, either.

Sam can't even meet her eyes. "I... from what Gabriel said, I think so," she answers, and it's the best she can give.

Amelia chokes on a sob. "I can't lose my son," she cries.

Sam chokes on a sob of her own, hating herself for causing this, and then before either of them can speak again, Lucas speaks softly, sounding faintly confused, "Mom? Why would you lose me?"

Amelia wraps her arms around him in an instant and Lucas shoots Sam a bewildered look from around his mother. Sam looks back at the child angel helplessly. "You - if you remember," Amelia tries, but stops.

"Mom," Lucas tells her softly. "I _do_ remember. It's okay. I'm still Lucas. Mostly I won't even think about my other life. _This_ is my life now. You and Dad and Claire, that's all I need. I'm still me. You haven't lost anything."

Sam blinks back tears.

After a moment, Amelia releases her son, looking incredibly relieved and like she's just witnessed a miracle. Sam figures that, really, she sort of has.

"Samantha," Lucas says, giving her this little half smile that is absolutely adorable, and Sam isn't the only one who thinks so judging by the discreet snap of Amelia's cell phone. She fights a laugh and exchanges an amused grin with Amelia. "Your brother. Dean. I left him with a couple, Nick and Jenny Rosen, and their daughter, Becky. They live in Delaware, a town called Pike Creek. Gabriel believes he will be able to restore Dean's memory easily. When you find him, wish him well from me, will you?"

"Yes," Sam breathes softly, a joyful smile lighting up her face. "I'll do that. Thank you, thank you so much, Lucas."

"Thank you," Lucas counters. "I'm not insane."

"That's debatable, little brother," Gabriel quips from the doorway, smiling widely.

Lucas glances at him and rolls his eyes. "You know, coming from you, that has next to zero meaning."

Gabriel grins affectionately. "Never change, kiddo."

"I wasn't planning on it," Lucas replies, totally deadpan. Sam snorts, amused.

Amelia gives Gabriel a look that is decidedly softer than the glares she was previously directing his way. "Will you come back and visit, occasionally? I think Luke would like to have his brother around sometimes."

Gabriel glances between Amelia, Lucas, Jimmy and Claire, looking decidedly uncomfortable by the four hopeful expressions he's getting. Sam covers her mouth with her hand to hide her grin. "I guess I can do that," he finally agrees awkwardly, nodding.

Lucas grabs Sam hand as she's following Gabriel out of the house and pulls her aside. He looks at her intently, meeting her eyes, and Sam valiantly resists the urge to shift uncomfortably under the kid's gaze. "It would serve you well to inquire to Gabriel about what he did for you, aside from leading you to me so that I could lead you to your brother," he informs her bluntly.

Sam blinks at him in bemusement. "What else did he do for me?" she asks him, lost.

"That is not for me to say," Lucas gives her this secretive little smile. "You will have to ask him. Good luck with Dean, Samantha," he adds, and then turns and walks back into his home without looking back.

Sam stands there for a minute, absolutely bewildered, and then shrugs it off because Gabriel's waving for her to speed up. She's getting her brother back today - anything else, even cryptic statements from a twelve-year-old angel, can wait. Sam's going to find Dean, with the archangel who's maybe the best friend she's ever allowed herself to have at her side. 


End file.
